Moments and Impressions
by fifimaxi
Summary: Just a bunch of oneshots and the like that don't quite fit anywhere else. Perfect for those of us with short attention spans!
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: Drabble the first! It's set in the same universe as my longer story Comedic Corrosion. Am I the only person to think Sima Yi was _not_ a very well-adjusted kid? Just a thought going from that idea... Oh! By the way, Guo Jia was one of Cao Cao's top advisors early on in the novel.)

"It's so _stupid_! Everything is _so stupid_! Cao Cao is _stupid_, this kingdom is _stupid_, this war is _stupid_, strategy is _stupid_, all the kingdoms are _stupid_, and the Han is so _stupid_!" ranted the scrawny thirteen-year-old sitting across from Guo Jia. The boy was flailing his arms so dramatically that Jia was vaguely surprised that he hadn't lifted off yet.

"Heheheh... Is something specific bothering you, Yi?" the strategist asked, moving the inkwell out of the way just in case.

"Oh, nothing... except that _everyone is STUPID_!"

"Any particular stupid person get on you nerves today?" Jia knew the essay would not be written until Yi got all of the rage out of his system. A moment's pause. Jia could _see_ the boy working out the pros and cons of actually saying something relevant. Finally, he spoke.

"I _hate_ people! I'm serious-- do they think I cannot hear them or what? Am I crazy? I really don't think I'm crazy... They think I'm crazy... She won't talk to me now that they told her..." Yi buried his face in his hands. Jia smiled internally. Mastermind against the world to brokenhearted kid in thirty seconds. It was rather cute.

"Yi... You're as sane as I am..."

"That does not reassure me! And she _hates_ me... and now she thinks I'm plotting against her!"

"Are you?"

"Only a little! I mean... She's _nice_ to me... Well... she _was_ nice to me... I wouldn't plot against her much and I just wanted to know where she lived so I could send her a present but now she thinks I want to murder her in her sleep and eat her soul!"

"What in heaven's name did you do to convince people of _that_?" Namely the eating souls bit. Yi threatened people with death and torture quite often, but the idea that he was some sort of sould-eating demon was certainly new.

"Um... Well... I might have... like... uh..." Yi mumbled something, eyes flickering over everything besides his teacher's face. Jia surpressed a groan.

"_Yi_..." Jia stretched that syllable as far as it could go, trying to imbue it with deep disappointment, annoyance, and superiority. It didn't quite work.

"Uh, yes sir?" The boy winced regardless.

"What have I told you about summoning-"

"I _didn't_!"

"Or talking about summoning demons or any other sort of black magic? You are not going to make many friends like that."

"But I was just going to pick her some flowers! Except that weird man saw me so I had to freeze him, you know? Because he had a sword and stuff and he was drunk and it was late then I got the flowers for Nuo but her brother saw me freeze the guy and he said that meant I was a demon and I _don't have a blasted TAIL_!" Yi took a shuddering breath, "You know?"

"Ouch. See, this is why I don't do relationships. You need to find someone who's on you level. And I somehow doubt there are very many, if any people like you out there."

"But... but what should I _do_?" If there had ever been any doubt that the mastermind Jia had been training was still a child, this just erased it. In that one sentence he could hear the pain of a short lifetime of loneliness and distrust. Jia pulled the boy into a hug.

"If they can't deal with who you are, you shouldn't have to deal with them. People are just... stupid like that. You are better than they are, and one day you'll rule them. I promise."

"Rule them?"A slight smirk was forming on the boy's lips, "I like the sound of that... Would I make a good emperor?"

"You would make a good whatever you'd want to make a good one of." That had made very little sense aloud, but the point remained. The smirk on Yi's face grew.

"Even a _hero_, Master Fengxiao?"

"Bah, heroes. Who is a hero depends on who writes the story. Make sure you control whoever writes it, and you will be the hero."

"Like Daji, had she won," Yi said, softly, a new determination in his voice, "We just have to keep an eye out for dragons; if we can find them and recognize them, we know where to apply ourselves!"

"Heheheh... Precisely. One day, even dragons will cower before you," Jia agreed gently. He wouldn't live to see that day, but he knew it would come.

"And all of those pathetic _fools_ will know their master! Mwahahaha!" Jia could see, for a split second, the man Sima Yi would grow up to be. "And I'd be _cool_ and people would _like_ me and I'd get to wear a cool hat like yours!" Jia grinned. There was still a _lot_ of growing up to be done.


	2. When they were young

It was early spring when they first met. Flowers were beginning to bloom and birds were singing in praise of something or other, and a meeting was being held in the Imperial Palace. _Everyone_ important to the Han dynasty was there, it seemed, and a fair few brought their children along to teach them a thing or two about the important things in life. Said lessons, which seemed duly ignored, were the reason a scrawny child of about five was sitting on a rock in the imperial gardens, bored out of his mind. There was, he decided, only so much time one could spend bowing to random idiots in fancy robes. When he grew up...

"Hey, um... are you _supposed_ to be there?" A voice jerked the boy out of his thoughts.

"You going to stop me from sitting?" he replied, turning toward the speaker, a kid about his age.

"Don't sit in the presence of your betters!" The stranger looked arrogant, wealthy, and oddly happy to have found company.

"How are _you_ my better?"

"I'm a Yuan! Seriously, don't you know _anything_?" The Yuan boy upturned his nose snottily.

"I know more than you do!" a pause as the two regarded each other, "I'm a Cao, so there!"

"A Cao?" Now he had his interest. "What's your name?"

"People call me 'Ah Man'. You?"

"Ah Xuan."

"Cool. We rhyme!" Man noted with a grin.

"Yeah... So?" Xuan was not impressed.

"So, smart one, it means you have to stay and entertain me. I'm bored."

"Sure it does. Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"I'm going to be a hero when I grow up! You'll see!"

"Uh-huh." A little skepticism went a long way; Man scowled at him.

"I'll prove it! One day, all the empire will know _my_ name! And fear me!" That last part was added on a whim, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made.

"Fear _you_?" Xuan couldn't stop himself from grinning. "If people are going to fear you, you'd have to be a general or something!"

"I will be! And... and my cousins will help me out!"

"A general needs an army, you know..."

"I'll just take yours. You're rich enough!"

"You can't _take_ an army!"

"Then you'll have to give it to me, won't you?" Man smirked as wickedly as a five-year-old can. Xuan hesitated a long moment, then smirked right back.

"What friends are for!" That seemed to floor the other boy.

"Friends?!"

"Why not? I want to be friends with a hero." Xuan suddenly realized that, yeah, he did want that. Man pondered for a few seconds, then held out his hand.

"Alright! You and me, we'll fix the world!" he announced, and there was no doubt in either boy's mind that they would do just that. Now, all they needed was some kind of revolt to crush...


	3. An image of rivals

(A/N: Heya~! Trying something new here. Turned out rather different from what i had planned, but anyway, here goes.)

There was something altogether bothersome about men who were prettier than I could be, I decided, as I watched my beloved husband bickering with my main cause for concern. Sima Yi. Definitely someone I could do without knowing. Or, more specifically, without my husband knowing. Well, at least they were arguing. I could barely stand the thought of what would happen if they got along...

"- incompetent moronic _IMBECILE_!!" ... Thankfully, I could not think of a situation where anything like that would happen. The two were currently attempting to rant each other to death, which was a lost cause for both of them. They would be at it for a few hours at the least. Then, they would take a break, eat, rant about each other to other people, meet up again, and start _the whole. Blasted. Thing. Over. Again._ Which was, actually, better than when they were apart, in a way. At least in this case I wasn't getting my ear talked off on the subject of Sima Yi's entire blasted life story, favorite foods, and likely plans for the future.

"-contain your rage your point may become understandable."

"MY POINT IS THAT YOU ARE GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE AND PAINFUL DEATH! AND I'LL BE HAPPY!" I felt a sudden stab of pity for whoever was on the receiving end of the Wei strategist's daily History-of-Zhuge-Liang rants. Those had to be a lot worse than anything I had to deal with. And louder.

"And why, pray tell, would I be reincarnated as a mutated butterfly? That was oddly specific of you..."

"Because you don't pay enough attention to your wife!" the man in purple snapped triumphantly. I blinked. _What?_ I mean, he had a point, but he far from the kind of person I would expect to actually voice that opinion.

"What gave you that idea?" Liang asked, seeming legitimately curious. Wonderful. I had married the most clueless genius in the history of the world. Sima Yi groaned.

"Well, you spent the entire three days I have been here arguing with me, except for the times when you're explaining to her _why_ you're arguing with me, which can be summarized with 'because I am there'. You actually go looking for me when we aren't arguing so that we can start again. Oh, and she's been listening to us this whole time and _I noticed and you didn't_." Liang turned, surprised, to notice me standing there for the first time. I waved. There was really nothing else I could do short of aiming a few juggernauts at the men.

"Oh, hello my dear." Typical Liang. He looked so innocent at that moment that I couldn't quite stay upset with him. Behind him, Sima Yi pantomimed decapitating himself. I smiled, half legitimately. Maybe things weren't as messed up as I thought.

"My lord."

"Sima Yi is wrong, right dear? I _do_ pay enough attention to you." Well, it wasn't as though I could say no at that point. The look Sima Yi shot me over Liang's shoulder was almost sympathetic.

"Of course you do..."

"Exactly," he promptly turned back to his rival, "See? You have no understanding of functional relationships-"

"But a very good understanding of _dys_functional ones!"

"Just because the lords of Wei are too corrupt-"

"And the lords of Shu are too moronic!" And so they went on. At least, I thought, they got all their energy out through words. Something landed at my feet. A note, tied onto a long silver hairpin. Curious, I picked it up and read it.

_Ever considered defection, Lady Huang? -- Zhang He 3 _I rolled my eyes. Of course I had considered it. Everyone must have, at some point. I returned my gaze to the man who had stolen my husband's attention from me. He was clearly enjoying himself. I smiled again, this time at a coldly comforting realization. No matter what, at the end of the day, Liang was _my_ husband, and that would be far less transient than any camaraderie among the wise. The first had ended in Zhou Yu's timely death by my husband's plans. Why would this be any different? I would stand by my husband's side at the funeral of yet another challenger soon enough. And then, finally, there would be peace and time enough for us.


	4. Ice and shadow

(A/N: Hey guys! I'm trying for something actually serious this time. Here goes. Angst. Shipping. Can you guess the pairing? ^^ Oh! And BluePhoenix, I'll get on your prompt asap. Because Caos are awesomeful. Anyone else have any requests?)

It had been dark for at least eight hours already, but Sima Yi was still awake. There was work that had to be done before sunrise, he would say, half hidden behind stacks of scrolls and and empty cups that had once held tea or some bizarre concoction that kept him awake at times when even the heavens slept. No one dared intrude upon his solitude to question it, even in daylight. No one knew the tortured dreams that haunted him when his willpower failed and sleep consumed him.

"Zhongda?" A soft voice emanated from the darkness, breaking his concentration.

"What do you want?" he asked, not looking up. His voice sounded weak, even to himself. Gentle arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him away from his desk.

"Rest some. You are suffering." His body was limp, and he felt too weak to pull free.

"You don't know anything. Leave me."

"Not this time." The grip slackened enough for him to turn. "Talk to me if you need to. I promise I will listen." A hand, scarred from too many battles, brushed his dark hair off of his face.

"I don't need your help." The anger didn't quite make it into that statement, making him sound more desperate than detached. "I can take care of myself."

"Everyone needs someone to take care of them sometimes. No one is made of ice." Allowing himself to slump, relax, release the constant tension that held back the constant pain, he took a deep, shaky breath, leaning against his protector. It was true, and he was not foolish enough to try to deny it.

But he was foolish enough to whisper, to beg the darkness that surrounded them both, "I wish I were."


End file.
